All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow – Tolstoy
Spend any time in the world of healing and you will quickly hear the term Shadow work. I thought it might be helpful to take a look at shadow work and answer the questions – What is shadow work? And how can we start working with our shadow?
Shadow work draws from a concept developed by the psychologist Carl Jung that we have parts of our psyche that become disinherited due to being judged undesirable by any number of outside authorities. The aim of shadow work is to integrate these “parts” back into the whole.
It is a survival instinct to repress, ignore, deny, reject and disassociate from any needs, emotions, desires or personality traits that our caregivers, culture, religion or peer group deem “bad”. Especially when we are young, we need to be accepted by the tribe to survive. Most of our shadow selves are created/born in our formative years as we “learn” what is acceptable and what is not. The issue is that just because something has been judged wrong by someone else doesn’t mean we still don’t need it, want it, or feel it. Through this process of disconnecting from undesirable parts of ourselves we effectively learn to practice self-rejection. Denying these parts shoves them deep into the unconscious closet where they still affect us on many levels no matter how much we ignore them.
To do the healing work is to bring these shadows out of the dark of the unconscious and into the light of consciousness. To face these parts of ourselves that we have labeled as “bad” and bring them back into the fold of the inner whole. To find the shamed, hurt, abandoned, misunderstood inner child behind the “monster” mask. To discover the gifts waiting in the parts of ourselves that we thought could never be loved. Shadow work is at its core a journey of self-acceptance, worth and love.
The easiest way to begin working with your Shadows is to ask yourself questions that help you to start questioning the judgements and “truths” that you grew up with so that you can decide for yourself what is important, worthy, and acceptable. Here are a few sample questions:
What emotions am I uncomfortable with or don’t allow myself to feel/express?
What negative emotions am I comfortable with or cling to?
What needs do I have that I judge as unacceptable or shameful?
Why are other people’s needs more important than my own?
Do I value myself and what I bring to the table?
Why are other people worthy of compassion but I am not?
When do I feel most unsafe? Why?
What parts of me do I feel are unlovable?
In what ways do I punish or sabotage myself?
Do I treat myself like I matter?
These are just a few prompting questions that can help you begin to explore your inner shadows. There are plenty of free resources online to check out as well and a great book called “A Little Book on the Human Shadow” that is a quick and thoughtful read.
Shadow work is an integral part of our healing journey and one that we can’t skip or avoid so get your metaphorical flashlight, take a deep breath and lean in. It may be uncomfortable work, but it is also incredibly rewarding as you begin to realize that your shadows are less monster and more lost potential, creativity, power and love that is ready to come home.
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