Happy New Year!
It’s that time again when we make all kinds of wonderful intentions. With high energy and grand expectations, we make our new resolutions, and we stick to them… for a moment, maybe a few weeks if we are lucky. Then by February we laugh somewhat shamefully, “it never works” we tell ourselves and let those ideas of making better choices fall away to be dusted off in another year.
This isn’t true for just new year’s resolutions. We can find ourselves in a similar situation after any life changing event like an Aya retreat or business workshop. Are we doomed to follow this cycle of defeat or are there better ways to create change/integrate new intentions in our lives that will lead to success?
Yes, there are!
Here are 3 ways for us to create real shifts in our lives whether it’s new year intentions or post-retreat integration.
1. Make Small, Consistent Shifts to Create Big Change
Too often we get really excited and motivated after retreats/workshops or at the beginning of the new year and make grand plans about all the ways we are going to make better choices. This is great except it isn’t sustainable once we get back into everyday life. We try too implement too much, too quickly. It would be much better to use that motivated energy to make a list of 12 habits you would like to shift (look at #2 to help with your list). Then, starting from the easiest to the hardest, choose 1 and implement it consistently for a month. It’s been shown that we need 21 days to create a new habit so 30 days is even better. Keep that habit up for a month and add a new one the next month. By making small, consistent shifts and allowing the time for one to become a true habit before adding another one, by the end of a year you will have implemented 12 new habits/intentions. Now that’s some big change!
P.S. Add a new habit only as quickly as the one before is consistently being implemented in your life. If it takes you 2 months or more for 1 or more of the shifts on your list then take that extra time to make sure the habit is firmly imbedded.
2. Replace and Add Instead of Resisting
Sometimes the shift we want is to stop something. That’s challenging because usually that negative habit has some kind of benefit, maybe an unconscious one, that makes it so addictive. When you want to stop a habit, it is easier to replace it with something that speaks to the core of why that negative habit was so attractive. For example, many smokers use smoking as an excuse to take a break. Taking a break is a positive thing connected to an unhealthy habit so replace the smoking with a more positive activity that gives a similar excuse. Maybe a tea break. If the smoking is more about having something in your mouth to self-sooth, then chewing organic gum or mints may be helpful. What this means is that we have to get curious about what we get out of our negative habit. In other words, what is working for us that we keep doing this unhealthy behavior? Once we figure out the core reason, which can often be emotionally based, then we can figure out a more positive behavior that can address that emotion or need.
Adding something is another easier way to create a shift. Remember when adding a new habit not to set yourself up for failure. Example, if you want to start meditating don’t start with 30min, start with 5min. Set a time every day that you do 5 minutes no matter what. Set your alarm for 5 min and even if you feel like you could do more – don’t, stick to the 5mins. After a week of 5 mins, add another 5min so that now you’re doing 10min every day, at the same time. Then 15, then 20, etc. We often set our expectations too high to begin with and then when we don’t meet them it becomes an excuse to scrap the whole thing. So here we are harking back to #1 – start small and build up only as quickly as your consistency allows. Better to do 5min consistently for 6 months then 30min for 4 days and then nothing until the next new year.
P.S. Sometimes once we start living a new habit, we realize it may not be what we thought it was or we want to go about it in a new way. Be committed to the shift and flexible in your approach. If you bite off more than you can chew you can always scale down and be successful on a smaller scale and then build back up.
3. Don’t Look Back or Forward, Be Present
Self-change happens in the NOW. Stop looking back at past achievements or failures. Similarly stop projecting into the future with fears or trying to figure out what may happen 6 months from now. We often set ourselves up to fulfill a self-prophecy of failure by telling a story about how it didn’t work past, or we shouldn’t start now because we have that trip in 2 months so we should wait to start. Stop it! Start now. No excuses. Stay present. If/when you skip a day or fall back into an old habit don’t let that become your excuse not to get back on track. Moments of failure is part of the process of creating change. The fall is not the point or focus. The point is to brush ourselves off and get right back on track. Stay in the present with whatever small, consistent shift you’ve set for yourself. Don’t let small setbacks become big excuses not to continue. Celebrate your successes no matter how small!! Achievement feeds confidence and motivates us to keep moving forward.
I hope this helps you when you have new intentions to integrate them successfully into your daily routine. Remember that every day can be the beginning of a new year. It’s never too late to start making healthier, more aligned choices that help you live a more centered, joy-filled and vital life.
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